I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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