Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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