its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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