The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
only you would photoshop your dick
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
