how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize