I think my vagina is haunted
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
