Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
