Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
