Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
