Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
