I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
