i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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