You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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