Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
