halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
