Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm at about main and main street
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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