My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
40s are totally the cure
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
