You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He did a backflip because drugs
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