you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
