I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
