When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
