I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
