just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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