My room smells like vodka and shame
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize