I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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