Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm at about main and main street
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
