my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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