Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
zippers are such a cool invention
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
