Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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