"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
