He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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