Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
