She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
