This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
