so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
