My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
