I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize