I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
