the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
