I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
