I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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