You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
