im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
