He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
