I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
