grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
