I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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