I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize