Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
