New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
