my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
