even my farts smell like vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
