So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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