Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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