just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
