After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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