Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
