the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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