called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize