He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
