you would pick up someone in the library
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
