I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
