that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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