I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize