Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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