Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
