And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
