Nicole vs. Life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
