No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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