You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
