I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
