Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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