people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
