Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
