You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
