You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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