I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
