Swine flu. Run for my life!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
