New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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