I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
