I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize