I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
