This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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