Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Vodka?
Forever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had sex on a roof
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
