I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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