it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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