remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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