Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
