just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
