We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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