she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize