idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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