I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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