Sponge bath it is.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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