I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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