Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
