I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
