he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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