can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
