i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
